Mind Boggling

Sometimes, i feel i'm not being included or told much about stuffs going on. Probably coz its trivial to others. But i dont like to think that there are things that i 'dont need to know'... Hence, communication problem arises. All those "i thought", "i think" and "i didn't know".. Even things like "I had too much for lunch and i'm so full" are redundant things, but sometimes we just say it, dont we? Well, maybe only I do...

Anyways, its just a one-off complain here coz i'm a little vexed.
Our consensus was that we do not think too far and just live by the day. True, its too early to be thinking too far.. But i dont see the 'intention' to 'think or plan' far, which despairs me.
Since it makes me feel down, i psych myself not to think, but the matter of fact is that we have to, isn't it? Sooner or later...
Some things, if you do not plan or start early, it will be TOO late.
Like it or not, i HAVE to NOT think so as to avoid head-on discussions. i cant trust myself and i may push it too far... therefore scaring off the other party.

Believe it or not, its making me AFRAID to think sometimes. I can only keep these thoughts to myself. Of coz, its easy to say dun care about what others say and dun think, dun be affected.. But at least if i know watz the plan, i have an answer. Without a plan, its still just like any other acquaintance isn't it?

I do not hope for much anymore. Expaserated at times, but i just think of a back door for myself. The reality of life is as such. You cant fight it. When the time comes after 2 years, i will contain my thoughts no more. Make it or break it. Who knows, by then i'll be so terrified that a decision will be reached easily.. haha

BUt for now.... i guess i'm happy =)